Lost Angels

Losing a child is like losing your soul you may put on a front for the world but inside you are dying. No matter the age there is no feet too small to leave an imprint in this world. Losing them makes your heart break into pieces that you never knew existed. The hardest thing that i have ever heard is that my baby is gone and the hardest part is having to live everyday with the memory of my little angels.

On that fateful day Dec 07 2016 i woke up with contractions not knowing what to do to stop them since i was 28 weeks and had 12 more weeks to go. Fear could clearly be seen on my face as my husband drove me to Avenue hospital Kisumu. At that moment all i could think of was my three little baby that i was going to meet in few hours time. I was happy but at the same time scared for their time was not yet. As we got closer to the hospital so did my anxiety increase and on arrival i was swiftly taken for tests and preparation of a c-section.

After the operation that is when my heart was broken into tiny pieces. I lost my baby boy 1.2kg because he was unable to breath on his own. That left us sad but we picked up the broken pieces and celebrated the two remaining babies, our tiny identical girls Precious and Patience. Seeing how tiny and vulnerable they were at 800g and 600g respectively we kept praying for God to help them through the day. Here i was with a fresh wound but all i thought of was my babies and their well being.

Everything was okay until when Precious developed some breathing problem and passed on. This was our breaking point, she had been doing so well and had gained 970g. Losing one was painful but two it was torture. I kept asking myself what i had done wrong for my babies to die. Nothing made sense at all, i was in pain a pain that only i knew how deep it ran in my veins. But then i looked at my remaining daughter and she smiled back to me and that gave me the strength that i need to face each day.

To the mothers who have lost babies it gets better with time. God gives you the strength to face each day just find that one thing that makes you happy and it will help you get through the day. Do not feel sorry for yourself for that will only make you feel worse. Instead thank God for giving you the chance to experience motherhood however short it was. Jeremiah 29:11 God has good plans for us.